Pursuing purpose: How to uncover what we really want (and navigate all the doubts and uncertainty that come with it)
A lot has been written about the power of purpose, of having a goal to guide us and keep us on course, something we are always working towards in some way.
Three that capture the potential power and possible elusiveness of purpose are:
‘He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how’, Friedrich Nietzche
‘Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills.’ Arthur Schopenhauer
‘What is my job on the planet? What is it that needs doing, that I know something about, that probably won't happen unless I take responsibility for it?' Buckminster Fuller
The elusive power of purpose
The first highlights that potential power of purpose even during difficulty. This idea was a central theme in Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, where Frankl explores his experiences as a survivor of three Nazi concentration camps. In fact, these experiences informed his psychotherapeutic school of thought, logotherapy, an approach founded upon the belief that the primary motivating force for each individual is to find meaning in life.
If the first shows the power of potential the second hints at it’s elusiveness. While it recognises our immense potential and resources to achieve what we want it suggests that we may often spend much of our time wanting what we don’t want or chasing after something that isn’t truly purposeful to us.
This links to the third quote which emphasises the uniqueness of purpose and so the thing that can make it the most difficult thing to find. Only we can really know or create our sense of purpose that resonates with use.
Yet, both Schopenhauer and Fuller’s quotes still have the same sense of possibility that Nietzche’s carries. There is a powerful passage in Man’s Search for Meaning where Frankl describes how two fellow inmates were considering suicide and in both cases they were able to identify what they had in the future that was seeking something from them. For one it was their child, living in another country, for the other it was a series of scientific books that were unfinished and which only that scientist could finish. You can’t help but see parallels with Fuller: ‘what is it that needs doing, that I know something about.’
Frankl concluded that when someone
‘...becomes conscious of the responsibility [they] bear toward a human being who affectionately waits for them, or to an unfinished work, they will never be able to throw away their life.’
Although an extreme case, Frankl’s story emphasises the power of having a clear purpose and in some ways touches on all three quotes. The potential of purpose is also becoming clear in recent research. In examining the psychological trait of Grit as an attribute that can predict future success, Angela Duckworth (whose work also referenced Nietzche), defined grit as passion and perseverance in the pursuit of long-term goals.
It seems simple to conclude that having a clear, individual purpose can be incredibly powerful. Often, the most difficult part of uncovering what we want is the search.
Discovering purpose
Finding our sense of purpose is an ongoing process of exploration, trial and error, and ultimately self-discovery to find out what really matters to us, what gives us meaning and how do we want to pursue both of those things. Below are a few approaches to uncovering what is important to us and what interests may be the passions that with perseverance are our purpose.
Exploring our interests to find our passions
While the quotes suggest that what we want exists at an innate level, becoming aware of what that is takes trial and error. Duckworth emphasised that we need to explore what it is that may interest us, try it and see what may become more than an interest: a passion, purpose or calling.
Prompts to find these interests and explore are:
What are all the things I would like to try? What themes are there from these things?
What are the things that I would be excited to do everyday for a year?
What is it I currently like doing? What would I like to dedicate myself to? What would it look like?
Ultimately, we’re trying to answer Buckminster Fuller’s questions
‘What is my job on the planet? What is it that needs doing, that I know something about, that probably won't happen unless I take responsibility for it?’
Importantly, when we have some ideas we need to take responsibility for them, that is we need to test them out. From the lists of interests or possible avenues to explore what is the first thing you can do to try that interest?
The Whitmore pyramid
Sometimes what we want or what we think we want are only stepping stones to a far greater purpose or long-term goal. It can often help to break down those goals, what we want, into a hierarchy of different goals at different levels, to find themes that link certain goals together until we uncover an overarching theme or purpose. This is a process that Duckworth advocates in Grit.
A good model to use is John Whitmore’s goal pyramid from his book Coaching for Performance. In it Whitmore takes a triangle and breaks it into sections. The top section, the pinnacle of the pyramid, is the ‘Dream goal’, our ‘Big Why’, our ultimate vision, below this is the ‘Big What’ or the ‘End Goal’ which is the tangible manifestation of our ‘Dream goal’, what we hope to achieve. Underneath the Dream goal and End goal are ‘Performance goals’, the milestones on our way to our ‘End goal’ and ‘Process goals’ the individual steps we can take and are 100% able to control.
To find our purpose, the ‘End goal’ and ‘Dream goal’ will be where we look, however separating out performance and process goals will inevitably part of the process of thinking through all our goals, and means we already have the makings of a plan.
‘What I think I should want’ versus ‘What I want’ versus ‘What I really want’
Now we come back to Schopenhauer’s statement: ‘Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills.’
There is a difference between knowing what we really want and committing to that purpose. It is ownership as much as it is acceptance. This is perhaps the most challenging part of finding what we want, recognising that it may not be what we currently have or are pursuing and/or it may be different to what we think we want or think we should want or have been taught that we should want. With a sense of unique individual purpose there is the scary uncertainty that only you can know if it is truly meaningful for you.
What it comes down to is responsibility. As Frankl put it:
‘Each man is questioned by life; he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible’
This is where Fuller’s quote comes in. What will not happen ‘unless I take responsibility for it?’
Responsibility is about taking control of or being accountable for something. What Frankl and Fuller are saying, therefore, is that we are responsible for us and in doing so responsible for finding and pursuing our purpose.
It sounds simple and perhaps even obvious but so easy to forget. Indeed, one of Frankl’s key findings is that regardless of any situation we always have the freedom to choose how we approach that situation. With this in mind we can then choose how we approach the quotes outlined above. We can choose to do nothing, we can reflect and realise that we have a clear purpose or that we want to explore further. All of which give us the option to then choose what we want to do next.
However, we don’t live in a vacuum. Taking responsibility can often involve difficult decisions, uncertainty about outcomes, and fears of failure and losing everything (whatever that is for us).
Overcoming the interferences
Going from a list of interests and possible passions or even knowing what you want to pursuing that purpose can be incredibly daunting. Below are some steps to equip up us to tackle this doubt and to more easily take responsibility for our purpose.
Reframing to find perspective - what would it feel like to know you never did ask ‘what do I really want’? Alternatively, what would it be like to know that what you’re currently pursuing is what you really want? At worst we recognise that what we have or are pursuing isn’t what we want, from awareness we can choose to act, plus we know one more thing we don’t want. At best, we recognise that we are on the course we want to be on.
Surrounding ourselves with support - Duckworth emphasised that a core aspect to developing grit is being surrounded by people that can help you test your interests, encourage you to practice and help you remember your purpose and find hope when you experience a setback. It also offers us accountability. Having a buddy, friend or companion to share the process with can help us remember we’re not alone and keep us accountable to simply exploring. Who do you know that you can involve to help you stay responsible and committed to you?
Exploring without expectation - only we know what we really want, only we can give ourselves the space to explore what we want, no one else will make you do so. It is often our fears and expectations that get in the way of exploring, if we can choose to simply explore, set aside the outcomes that are the ‘what ifs’ that worry and stop us we can create the space to let go of what we may be holding onto that stops us being our best by pursuing our purpose. Externalising these thoughts as we explore can be incredibly powerful, whether with a buddy as mentioned above or in a journal, seeing them written out or hearing them spoken can create clarity and perspective.
We often know that having a sense of purpose, meaning or direction can be immensely beneficial and motivating. Finding and pursuing that purpose is ultimately our choice, our responsibility. However, how often do we take the time to explore what we want?
What would it be like if we took responsibility for bringing what only we can to the world? What would the world look like then?
And as we search for and pursue our purpose we are reminding others that they too can pursue their purpose.
