How we can reframe our expectations to better equip ourselves to achieve what we want? Or, what has Barack Obama got to do with achieving what we want in life?
What has Barack Obama got to do with achieving what we want in life?
Listening to his autobiography, A Promised Land, it was clear that one of the biggest barriers Obama’s presidency faced to implementing the reforms and policies set out in his campaign was navigating the ongoing and arising challenges throughout his first term, such as the global financial crisis, the collapse of the Greek economy, and the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
Again, what do the events of a presidency have to do with me achieving my goals?
Well, while not necessarily at a presidential scale each day we’re trying to work towards a goal or create change in our lives we’re trying to do this on top of navigating each day and the numerable challenges - often outside of our control - that life presents to us.
The pandemic is an obvious example when so much we were working towards had to change as we adapted to lockdowns. However, it happens more often than expected, a difficult day at work may mean we lose the motivation to go to the gym or work on that personal project we had planned to dedicate an evening to.
It’s like being on a boat at sea and trying to build additions to the boat as you work to keep afloat in the face of the wind and waves. You may be trying to build a mast and sail to help you go further and faster but unanticipated storms mean you really need to repair some leaks or simply hunker down and let the storm pass.
This all sounds rather pessimistic. Being particularly glum you could read the above and ask: ‘what’s the point in trying if I’m probably going to spend 90% of my time and efforts simply having to keep afloat in the face of things outside of my control?’
Well, there are two possible silver linings to this otherwise bleak framing.
Knowing that there will be wind and waves will help us better prepare and more likely succeed at what we want, even in the face of the wind and waves
We can focus on the other 10% we can control in the more realistic context that achieving what we want may be less straightforward than we planned
Preparing for the wind and the waves
Research has shown that ‘If…then’ plans set us up for success far better than simply dreaming our goal and diving headfirst into fulfilling it, which usually fails at the first few hurdles.
So consider the following:
What could get in the way of our plans and aspirations?
What may make this harder than I anticipated?
What am I going to find most challenging to navigate?
In all of these scenarios, what can I do when they arise?
What can I do to prepare me, now?
The last question is particularly important in helping us set our expectations, one of the biggest barriers. Expectations can be unrealistic or fail to take account of the wind and the waves and say ‘you’re really not doing a good job at achieving your goals’. These expectations can make barriers feel much bigger and far more insurmountable than they actually are.
Before we even have plans to navigate some of these challenges, the awareness that there will be challenges will be invaluable in the pursuit of our goals.
Climbing a mountain, to use the classic metaphor for accomplishment, is rarely easy, yet it can be so easy to set off from the foot of that mountain totally ignorant of the possible pitfalls until we’re knee-deep in one.
One important expectation to hold and scenario we can then prepare for is that there will be times where none of my plans go to plan and all my efforts can do is to focus on staying afloat.
Focusing on what we can control in the wind and the waves
Knowing that these moments of unforeseen challenge, disruption or need to adapt and change will arise can help us more readily notice them and refocus on what we can control.
The question to pose in those moments that feel like the boat is being buffeted about and your glorious, fully masted sailing boat (it’s probably becoming apparent that my nautical knowledge is limited) is not going to happen today is ‘What can I control in this moment’?
Even if it doesn’t seem possible, there is always something we can control: how we approach the situation we are presented with. As we’ve mentioned in previous blogs this is powerfully framed by Viktor Frankl as ‘answering to life’ even in the most challenging of circumstances.
With that in mind, what approach do you want to take in the face of unforeseen but inevitable challenge or change?
So while we may not be running a country and seeking to implement legislative change, the demands of working towards goals and aspirations are at a basic level the same process. A process of adapting to the constantly changing world we live in while refining our plans and approaches to get to where we want to be, which sometimes may simply mean focusing on navigating that changing world.
The reality is that whether we’re running a country or running to the toilet, we’re constantly unconsciously adapting to the demands of life with the best of our abilities in each moment.
What is essential in fulfilling those aspirations and not running out of steam is to continue to see what we’re working towards in the bigger picture of this changing world we are simultaneously navigating. With this perspective we can better prepare to meet challenges when they arise, more compassionately manage our own expectations which so often get in our way, and if anything cut ourselves some slack and allow us to recognise that more often than we realise we’re doing our best in a constantly changing world.
Where have you adapted and navigated challenges you weren’t previously aware of? What does that show you about you?
If you knew that each moment you were doing your best to move forward in a constantly changing world, what would it feel like?
What would feel possible?
References
My reading of research about ‘If… then’ plans from Duckworth, Kirby, Gollwitzer, and Oettingen, ‘From Fantasy to Action: Mental Contrasting with Implementation Intentions (MCII) Improves Academic Performance in Children’
Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
