Reframing routine to get us to where we want to be
When you hear the word ‘routine’ what comes to mind?
For me, there is a sense of consistency but also monotony. It conjures a feeling similar to a grey, wet, wintery Monday morning, when the weekend is over and you’re back to the regular rhythms of work and weekday life. In short, not the most positive or energising image.
Yet, routines are a feature of all our lives and can be instrumental in helping us to live or create the life we want. The problem is, although the word comes from route and carries the idea of direction and travel - routine literally gets us to where we want to be - we very often become accountable to the routine rather than leading and creating a routine that does get us to where we want to be.
Getting stuck in our routines
For example, I recently completed a fundraising challenge where I ran and walked 91 miles in a month (you can find out more here). Given my less than athletic stamina, the challenge forced me to run at least every other day (I wasn’t going to hit 91 miles with a few 10ks a week)! Halfway through the challenge and midway through a run I noticed two things: one, I was running exactly the same route, give or take one more road, and two, I was therefore not running much (if at all) further each time.
Although I had created a routine that was helping me to run consistently it wasn’t getting me to where I wanted to be, which was also to run further. While serving me in some ways, the running routine I created was also limiting me. It had become a safety blanket that I could hide behind and justify my lack of progress because at least I was running regularly. In addition, I had become focused on fulfilling the routine rather than the routine being the means to get me to where I wanted to be.
The experience of quite literally covering the same ground over and over again hoping for a better outcome raised the question: how often do we create routines, habits and behaviours to get us to where we want to be, and then find that those routines become our focus of fulfilment?
The possible impact? We become fixated on fulfilling the routine, rather than moving towards whatever or wherever the routine was created to help us reach.
Reviewing our routines - how is this routine serving me?
Think of a daily or weekly routine, habit or behaviour that you do without fail. What did you create that routine for? What outcome was the routine seeking to serve?
Thinking of my own routines in relation to the above question, three answers (of potentially many) come to mind
I don’t even know why I do that routine
I just do that routine because I have to
I created it for a specific purpose but until I thought about it I had forgotten
Answers one and two also beg the question about how aware we are of some of our habits and behaviours? Reflection on routines is a chance to proactively and consciously consider small actions that can help us to live the life we really want more, now. We can ask ourselves what would we like from a routine and what would it therefore look like?
Answers one and two also bring to mind the commonly referenced John Whitmore quote:
“I am able to control only that of which I am aware. That of which I am unaware controls me.”
This quote takes us to the third possible answer: I created the routine for a purpose, as part of a process, but can no longer remember the why behind the what. For example, I have a daily morning meditation routine until the weekend when I don’t have such a specific routine or set time I need to be doing something else. Therefore, on a weekend, typically later in the day, I often notice myself thinking ‘I need to meditate’. A thought that soon becomes a feeling of stress as meditating morphs into an obligation I need to fulfil at the risk of negative self-judgement if I don’t.
Stopping to answer why I chose to create a routine of meditation, I, ironically, notice that it was to help me be more present each day, to take time to pause and to create space for me, because those three things are crucial to me being my best. Here we see how, without an awareness of the intention behind a routine, we can be controlled by a routine that was created to positively support us.
When we remain aware of their purpose and how they fit into the bigger picture that is our lives, routines are an opportunity to act consciously and regularly in ways that helps us lead the lives we want to lead each day.
In reviewing routines not only can we see how the routine does or doesn’t serve us, we can see how routines can act as a safety net. Completing routines acts as a distraction and/or procrastination from the vulnerability and uncertainty that comes with going beyond an existing routine.
Routines as a safety blanket from fear, the unknown, and procrastination
Routines can become a safety net, sometimes part-fulfilling what we want (better than nothing), but shielding us from the vulnerability of trying more and maybe failing. They can also protect us from the uncertainty of change. Habits and routines are a form of control, helping us create stability in an environment and world of constant change.
Returning to the running example, one thing that was stopping me trying a new route was a fear of failure and the unknown. I didn’t know if I could do another route, particularly a longer one, and I didn’t want to try and fail and in doing so bring the whole new routine crashing down. Instead I would repeat laps of the same route which was both boring and dissatisfying: if you can go further you may as well go further.
A fear of failure and the unknown - could I go further? - meant I simply put off trying and turned my focus towards repeating a routine rather than moving towards what I really wanted: to run consistently and further.
In this case, we can see that the routine may be an indicator of a larger barrier to working towards what we want. Again, when we become aware of that we can begin to take action.
We can review our routines with this in mind and ask:
What routines are actually a safety net from really working towards what we want?
What are the fears that are holding us back or perpetuating these routines?
Becoming aware of what routines are for and how they do and don’t serve us is made easier by reframing our specific routines and creating new ones. To do both these things we first need to reframe how we approach routines.
Reframing our approach to routines: routines as rituals
What if we saw routines as sacrificial rituals? To complete the ritual we have created we must sacrifice our time, time we will never get back.
Brene Brown highlights that the origin of the word sacrifice means ‘to make sacred’. Taking this approach when we think of routines as the performance of a ritual sacrificing our time we are making our time sacred.
With that image in mind, what do you want that sacrifice and that ritual to be for? What routines and rituals are ones that in doing treat your time as sacred?
Reframing routines as rituals, seeing them in a new light, can help us recognise what our approach and attitude towards our routines are.
Reframing routines as tools to navigate a changing world
The comfort in routines comes in their familiarity, they become second nature, even feel like companions. It can therefore be hard to let go of a routine we have held for years or to change it even when we recognise it no longer serves us.
To do so it can be helpful to reframe routines as tools to help us adapt to the constantly changing world and to meet our own changing needs. In this landscape of change and evolution, routines become the product of trial and error. In this context having a fixed routine actually seems a bit illogical.
What about the fact routines are a means of control in a constantly changing world? Well, in this reframing routines perform the same function, they help us navigate this change and continue to pursue a life that serves our needs and fulfils our vision for life. The more we can approach our routines with an open mindedness the more they will naturally adapt to best serve us.
With a reframed approach to routines, their use and how they serve us we can begin to reassess and create routines that best serve us now.
Re-evaluating, renewing and creating routines with respect
A theme in all these re-evaluations and reframings of ritual is non-attachment and letting go of judgement. To create the best routines for us we cannot be attached to the solutions, to what will get us there, otherwise self-judgement comes in if we’re stuck or a routine isn’t working. When reviewing routines we need to respect them as attempts to serve us, if we don’t we’re not respecting our own ability to create and refine ways to get us to where we want to be.
Every routine we created, we created for a reason, quite often a good one, however we are constantly changing. A routine may continue to contribute to what I want. For example, it sets me up for the day to be my best at work or it enables me to continue to balance my hobbies, friendships and work commitments. We may also find it is no longer serving us or is acting as that safety blanket. Here is a chance to begin reframing, rather than judging our ability at creating routines or to fulfil them.
Instead we can ask, from what we’re noticing, what would be a routine that better serves us?
Exploring specific barriers routines may highlight we can still remind non-judgemental. Rather than belittling our fears, we can include them in how we create future routines perhaps by asking?
What would a routine look like that considered my fear of the unknown? What will I add or do differently to better prepare me for facing that uncertainty?
What do I see as failure? Is this helpful for my overall vision of what the routine is contributing towards? What would success look like from a routine?
Conclusions
Habits and routines can constrain us as much as they can help us. Although they are a process we enact, enacting these routines often becomes the outcome we are focused on.
When we get caught up in fulfilling these routines we undermine their purpose in the first place, or worse, we can create stress for us with thoughts like ‘I must do this’, and negative self-judgement when we don’t complete the routine.
What gets in the way of such a simple process of routine and habit creation is our initial approach, our expectations of the routine and of us, the judgements.
We can release ourselves from our routines by reviewing and reframing them. We can question what the routine is contributing towards and how it is serving that vision of what we want. We can become aware of reasons we may perpetuate routines and address the root causes, so we can renew or create new routines that help us move towards the life we want to lead rather than a life led by routines.
In what ways do you want your routines to serve you?
How do your current routines and behaviours contribute to the life you want to live? In what ways don’t they?
What new routine or behaviour would better serve you?
What would life feel like if you woke up knowing the routines you enact are bringing you the life you want to live?
References
Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
