The empowering practice of cultivating awareness

We’ve likely all had moments where everything feels completely out of our control. The situation is overwhelming. A solution impossible. Our ability to even do anything, let alone think, non-existent. Instead we go into a hazy autopilot. Eventually, somehow, out of the fog, the situation clears and, finally, we can pause for breath and count our losses.

In stark contrast are the moments of tranquil clarity, regardless of the situation or circumstances where we feel in tune with the moment, whatever the moment, able to respond as fully as we can, aware too of what we can do, what we can’t and the way forward.

The difference is often not the situation, merely our awareness or ability to gain awareness in the situation.

‘I am only able to control that of which I am aware. That of which I am unaware controls me. Awareness empowers me.’ Sir John Whitmore, Coaching for Performance

Awareness can be a liberating, and as Whitmore says, empowering experience and place to be in. However it can often prove elusive particularly in times of difficulty or stress. Worse still, often the result of how we act or react in those moments can double down on that difficulty or compound our stress when the dust has settled and we wished we’d done it differently. 

So how can we find awareness in moments of difficulty so that we can empower ourselves and take control of the situation?

Perspective 

A powerful tool in finding that awareness, and so empowerment to respond and not to react, is perspective.

In some situations simply being aware of what we can control is all the perspective we need. We merely have to ask:

‘What, as an imperfect, limited human being can we control in this situation?’

If we’re searching for more perspective we can find it in cues that ground us and the moment in a bigger picture. 

We all have a place, a quote, a story, a picture, a person, or a song that provides the perspective that asks:

‘In the grand scheme of things what does this moment matter?’

What would be the place, quote, story, picture, person, or song that without fail provides you perspective?

Which ones can you make readily available? Be it a phone background, a picture on a desk, a quote or excerpt in a phone note, or a cue to a memory or moment.

Acceptance

Perspective is all well and good but only insofar as we’re able to accept the reality of the situation, of our limits.

Acceptance often comes when we’re aware of what we’re resisting.

Often stress is the product of the gap between our expectations of ourselves and a situation and the reality of the situation.

Underlying resistance is expectation. To answer what we are resisting we often have to ask ‘what are the expectations we have of ourselves and how realistic are they?’

How fair?

Where are they coming from?

What would be a more realistic, more understanding expectation to hold of me, of this situation?

Self-compassion and love

It’s all easy to say: find some perspective, let go and accept what’s out of our control, accept our imperfections and limits. 

It’s much harder to find those things in the moment when everything feels at stake. When our failure, because it feels like ours, convinces us that only the impossible is enough. 

What is the truth of the situation?

The truth that is always there is the fact that our worth, our good enough-ness, is not tied to any moment or outcome, our worth is inherent. 

With self-compassion, self-love and a grounding in our innate self-worth acceptance, perspective and awareness can come much more easily.

Our approach

Still it’s not easy to end a potential lifetime of unrealistic expectations and escape the regular messages that much of the world gives us of validation that ground our self-worth in outcomes.

The reality is, self-love, self-compassion and acceptance are as much experiences as skills we first have to learn and consciously apply.

So what can we do?

What are the moments you’ve noticed self-compassion? When were the times you were able to accept a moment, an experience, a situation that wasn’t going as you wished?

As explored in previous blogs, the only thing we can always control is how we approach something. 

Importantly, it’s easier to start learning something in a safe or controlled environment. With this in mind consider how you can approach each day or moment in a loving and compassionate way. What will it look like? What will be different from usual?

Now try that thing, go about your day, and see what you notice at the end. What would you do differently next time? What do you notice about you, about self-compassion, about self-love? What does it feel like? What does it look like?

Now you’ve not only got a growing practice of self-compassion and self-love you’ll notice things that help bring about those feelings or act as reminders that you can use in more difficult moments to ground in self-worth as the gateway to acceptance, perspective and the empowering sense of awareness.

Finding space for awareness

Finally, this journey isn’t one we need to take alone, nor is it a clear or direct path. There will be moments of smooth sailing and moments where this idea of awareness and acceptance feels like a lot of hokum. 

With that in mind, who can support us on the journey? Who can we share it with, who we can inspire in sharing that journey?

Regardless of how it goes awareness, perspective and acceptance come more easily when we allow space for them.

First consider what brings you awareness, how often do you pursue those things?

What can you do to create space for awareness and for those things that help you find awareness?

Who can help you find the awareness?

Who can you share the experience with? 

If we think back to Whitmore and the empowering possibilities of awareness, what would our life be like with space for awareness?

What world could we contribute to by offering space for others to find awareness too?