A wonderful life isn’t just from things going our way
January. New Year, New You. The time for resolutions, a fresh start, and a chance to rededicate towards the life we want. Whether with new goals and new plans, re-commitments or a mix of both, all this can come with scepticism, or resistance as we are bombarded by suggestions, offers and ways to make this year the best year ever. While this is not another blog about New Year’s resolutions (nor a blog bashing New Year’s resolutions - why not make the most of an opportunity to refresh something?) it is about how, whatever we want for this year, the thing that may make the lasting difference this year is not the what we want but how we go about the year.
That’s certainly the takeaway I found watching It’s a Wonderful Life, the 1946 black and white Christmas classic about George Bailey, whose hopes and aspirations to do big things and travel the world, leaving his small hometown of Bedford Falls, are continually thwarted. His plans go so awry that he contemplates jumping off a bridge in despair.
For those that haven’t seen the film (and want to) perhaps skip this bit (however the film was made in 1946, so you could assume that if you’ve not watched it yet you probably wont!)
George’s situation isn’t from any lack of planning or dedication. He spends four years working to save up money to travel and go to college when his father has a stroke. Later, on his wedding day, his world trip honeymoon is ruined by the Great Depression that forces him to stay put to ensure the survival of his father’s, and now his, building and loans company. Instead of flying to Europe George spends the day giving the money for his honeymoon to customers to ensure they can make it through.
In fact, George ends up never leaving Bedford Falls dedicating his life to supporting the local people to become homeowners and move out of the slums run by the miserly town tycoon, Henry Potter. Eventually, George’s luck runs out, with his uncle and business partner misplacing $8,000 on the day a bank examiner is at their offices, he faces bankruptcy and prison. That same day George’s brother, Harry, is returning to Bedford Falls having become a town hero and awarded the Medal of Honour in the recent war. George was unable to fight in the war after becoming deaf in one ear from an infection caught as a child when he saved that same brother from drowning in a frozen lake.
In short, George, on the cusp of losing everything, resents all the sacrifices he has made that have left his dreams unfulfilled.
He is saved by an angel (it is a Christmas film after all), who shows him what the world would have been like if his wish, that he’d never been born, were true. Bedford Falls would be Potterville, owned and run by the miserly tycoon, his brother drowned without George to save him, as did all the people Harry would have saved in the war. In short, the lives of many people were worse off without George.
In the end, George, back in the world where he was born, returns home reminded of all the things he has to be grateful for, his family, the town, and the community he is part of (it’s all very similar to a Christmas Carol). At home he finds that his wife has rounded up everyone George has ever helped and they’ve all contributed to pay the $8,000 due.
So what can we take from the story of George Bailey (beyond some belated Christmas cheer) and how can it help us approach our hopes and plans for the coming year?
Unfulfilled hopes but upheld values - this is where the spoilers largely end
George’s story is one of unfulfilled hopes, but upheld values.
In each case George has a decision to make. He could still have gone on honeymoon. He didn’t have to take over his father’s Building and Loans company on his death. In both cases he chose to do the thing that supported the community, supported what was most important to him. Likewise he turned down a job for $20,000 a year (about $326,000 today) from the avaricious Potter, who is trying to buy George out of continuing his affordable housing projects at the expense of Potter’s overpriced slums.
Values at the expense of valuing us?
That George made a decision is important to note as we could read the story as George not being assertive to what he wants and the desperate culmination of a misaligned life not fully fulfilled.
The story certainly does serve as a warning to this. Certainly George could have put himself first more or found a better balance. For example, by taking some sort of honeymoon, or simply voicing some of his disappointment rather than storing it all up.
Nonetheless, George’s life illustrates all the old adages about the best laid plans. George had more than planned for what he wanted: don’t forget he worked four years to save up to go to college and later saved $2,000 for his honeymoon.
Even with the best laid plans all we can do is choose is how to respond
In the face of these failed plans, the story shows that regardless of the unexpected we can always control how we decide to approach a situation.
This is also the conclusion that Viktor Frankl makes, from his experience surviving several Nazi concentration camps, which we’ve written about before.
In George’s case he followed what felt right to him: supporting his family, his friends and his community.
So how can any of this help us as we set out for the New Year?
Should we give up planning? After all, those plans didn’t help George.
First, we can answer how we want to approach the year, regardless of how it goes. If, like George, our best laid plans fall short, how would we like to approach it?
What are the things that regardless of the outcome remain important?
For example, we could say regardless of the goals I’ve set for myself this year, I will be a good partner and friend, I will still show up for what matters to me.
Second, what does this approach look like? What does being a good partner and friend look like? Or what does showing up for what matters to you look like?
In choosing how we can create a sense control, perspective and meaningful impact.
Control
In choosing how to approach setbacks and how to be regardless of how things are going we can reclaim a feeling of control. George ran back to his family and embraced them. Regardless of the prospect of prison he could still give love to his family. With this sense of control we can more easily and confidently begin to revisit and navigate setbacks.
Perspective
Focusing on the approach provides us with perspective. It puts the setback and outcome in perspective. Our approach almost always forces us to focus on what matters, how we treat ourselves or others.
Perspective helps us to realise we are not defined by the outcome but perhaps more so by how we approach life, how we work towards these outcomes. George’s story highlights that his ambitions to build big cities and bridges and do great things missed the impact he had every single day, the impact that eventually gave back to him.
Meaningful impact
Perhaps, like George has to answer, before we embark on our goals for the year and before we risk setting ourselves up for failure when inevitably our plans and accomplishments for the year fall short, or even if they are fulfilled, we should ask ourselves the following:
‘What if I wasn’t here for the year, or ever, what would the impact be?’
From there we can find that it isn’t just accomplishing what we want that matters, and which provides meaning and fulfilment in our lives and the lives of others, but simply how we go about living the year ahead.
So, regardless of what happens, how would you like to approach the year?
