What can movie quicksand tell us about getting unstuck?

We’ve all seen the film where the main character gets stuck in quicksand. Sinking closer and closer to their demise, the deeper they sink the more they struggle, wriggling and writhing to get out, only to find these efforts counterproductive. The more they moved the worse it got, descending faster and closer to a grim, sandy ending. Although (from a quick search) the chances of actually drowning in quicksand are quite low, the approach to getting unstuck is the same: move slowly to either swim out or free your arms to be pulled out. 

(WARNING the following metaphor may at times feel like trudging through quicksand but take it slowly and it may be manageable)

The approach feels comparable to all the times we can get stuck, whether on a specific problem, personal dilemma, life choice, or in a situation that we don’t have total control over. Often, the answer isn’t found struggling, stuck in the dilemma searching for the solution but when we slow down, pause, or focus on something we can control. Soon we find what we were looking for has floated to safety or help has come from where we least expected it.

The challenge when we’re stuck, like quicksand, is to double down, to sink deeper into the problem, desperate for an answer. External and internal pressures produce tunnel vision and collude to limit our ability to find the answer we’re looking for. 

How often do you notice that when you’re faced with a challenge, situation or question that feels overwhelmingly important it is the only thing you can focus on? In that situation, how often do you find the answer? 

Now there are times where dedication and commitment to finding a solution is the way to the answer. The difference - a little like the distinction between working hard and working smart -  is noticing when we feel we’re making progress in our approach (working smart and probably hard) versus trying to force an answer (just working hard). To put it rather flippantly, if you want to find a needle in a haystack why not go get a magnet to draw the needle out rather than bury yourself deeper in the hay?

So if trying to solve the thing we’re stuck on is making us more stuck, what can we do? 

‘You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.’ Often attributed to Einstein, there is a lot of wisdom in this approach as a way of becoming unstuck. 

Acceptance, trust and taking responsibility

Being stuck is uncomfortable, like (I assume) being in quicksand. We want to get out and the more we want to get out the more stuck and uncomfortable we feel. Sometimes we just have to accept we’re stuck. Acceptance allows us to let go of finding the answer through sheer force of will. How often do we find something we’re looking for when we stop actively looking? 

Acceptance requires trust. 

Trust comes from reminders of our own capabilities. What better way to remind us of our capabilities than focus on what we can do? A fundraiser once told me that after every fundraising rejection do something you know you will win. When you’re stuck, what can you still win at? 

When we say ‘win’ it doesn’t have to be a tangible success over someone or something (if anything we’d be setting ourselves up for failure trying to force another outcome we can’t control). When we talk about ‘winning’ it is about what can you do that requires you to return to being your best and which reminds you of your qualities?

One way could be to list out all of the roles and responsibilities you have in life, for example a friend, a sibling, a partner, a colleague, a parent. Which of these roles can you fulfil and focus on in this moment of stuckness? What would it look like to focus on being the best sibling/partner/parent/colleague you could be? Go do it, see what it feels like? It could be as simple as a fully present conversation with a loved on, helping a colleague with their challenge, or sending a heartfelt message to a friend. 

Through this process we can create the conditions to approach what we’re stuck on with a different mind. We may notice that in focusing on other things we’re less stuck than we thought. Sometimes, what felt like a problem feels less so, or given time resolved itself. Or, we may receive support or an unexpected perspective either from others or one of those eureka moments that come when we least expect them. 

We still may be no less stuck but at least we haven’t been stuck in being stuck and missed out on the other parts of life that can be lost when our attention is totally absorbed by that one problem, that feels like the be-all-and-end-all it often isn’t. Even if the answer still hasn’t been found at least we haven’t missed out on the rest of life that continues to happen whether we are present to i tor not.

This process is one of taking responsibility.

Responsibility for the life we have and how we choose to approach the problems life presents (again a very similar line to the one Viktor Frankl wrote about).

Responsibility in acceptance, accepting that right now we don’t know the answer, and to trusting and committing to finding one, not at the disregard and detriment for our life. 

So when we find ourselves trying to force an answer, as with the quicksand in the movies, instead of fighting and sinking deeper, we can slow down, take responsibility for our whole situation by accepting this challenge and reconnecting to our capabilities to solve this without letting the rest of life pass us by.

What would life be like if we trust ourselves to simply find rather than force the answers? 

P.S. For a trivial but very real example of this approach, it was about halfway through when I stopped trying to make the quicksand metaphor work that the rest of the blog became much easier to write.